Comments on Wellness Writer: When To Let Go

Coco,I, too, believe it's important to be compassi...

2008-07-06T21:25:00.000-07:00

Coco,
I, too, believe it's important to be compassionate and nonjudgmental. However, I was sick for 15 years. I have a finite time left in life--whether it's 20 years or more--and I don't plan on spending the rest of my life expending energy on people who won't help themselves. But to those of you are willing to, God bless!

Susan

I think sometimes that people are not always ready...

2008-07-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes that people are not always ready to make postive changes when we would like them to. Sometimes it takes a very long time, and that's where the patience of a good friend comes in. Like God is patient with us. Admittedly it is very hard to watch someone not helping themselves; I have my limits for sure. But I also think it's very important to be compassionate and nonjudgmental

Dear Marja,I applaud you and Mariposa. Personally,...

2008-07-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Marja,
I applaud you and Mariposa. Personally, I know my limitations, and I have learned not to go beyond them.

Perhaps both of you have a greater capacity to have people depend upon you. But, I have found that there are people whose neediness becomes overwhelming. If it's not one problem, it's another. They don't learn from past experiences, keep on repeating the same patterns

Me back again:I kind of feel like Mariposa. I don'...

2008-07-01T20:14:00.000-07:00

Me back again:

I kind of feel like Mariposa. I don't like to really let go. Of course the person I was talking about in my initial story is not a close friend, but I offer peer support to her. As a support group facilitator I feel that's part of my role.

I try to take time out now and then to go for a walk or coffee with the people I support. And when they're going through a

Dear Gianna,Thanks for your perspective--as a prof...

2008-07-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Gianna,
Thanks for your perspective--as a professional and a friend. It's hard to see the people we love refuse to listen when we feel we have such good advice, and can genuinely help you.

Susan

Hi Susan,I came to your post late today...don't ha...

2008-07-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

Hi Susan,
I came to your post late today...don't have much to add, but yeah, as a mental health professional one of the first things you learn is you can't help others unless they want it.

I think it was my heroine addicted friend from grade school that really made that sink in for me though----at the beginning of my career---it helped me be a better social worker. I couldn't do a

Dear Mariposa,And your posts always make me smile....

2008-07-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Mariposa,
And your posts always make me smile. Thanks for your comment. It's something to think about. That's a terrific commitment you make to your friends and rewarding to think that it truly helps them.

Susan

Dear Danielle,Thanks for sharing your perspective ...

2008-07-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Danielle,
Thanks for sharing your perspective as a mental health profession. As far as I know, you, Annie, and Gianna all have that perspective (there may be others) and it's helpful to hear from you.

Susan

Dootz,Yesterday Bradley mentioned the similarities...

2008-07-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

Dootz,
Yesterday Bradley mentioned the similarities between AA and depression wellness. Interesting! Thanks for dropping by!

Susan

I'd love to think the answer to your title is "nev...

2008-07-01T14:49:00.000-07:00

I'd love to think the answer to your title is "never"...yet, without getting too much involved that you hurt/ neglect yourself in the process.

I always believe we can only give what we have...so that every time I meet a person needing something, rather than telling that person what needs to be done, and where to go...I try to journey with that person and makes myself "involved" at some

As a mental health professional you have to write ...

2008-07-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

As a mental health professional you have to write on your heart that you cannot help those that do not want to help themselves. It is just impossible. You can give an individual all the tools they need to build a life of mental wellness but you can't make them open the toolbox much less make them use the tools unless they want to and if if they do, they will have to reach in of their own accord

As a parallel situation, when I was in AA (still a...

2008-07-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

As a parallel situation, when I was in AA (still am sober, by the way), they used to say that the program is not for people who need it...it's for people who WANT it. Gotta want to get and stay sober. Same with wellness.

Thanks Bradley!

2008-07-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks Bradley!

Jazz,It's got to be difficult when it's someone yo...

2008-07-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

Jazz,
It's got to be difficult when it's someone you love! But, I've found that you can act as a role model, talk about what's worked for you, and most people still don't "get" it. Instead, it's like their situation is "special" and they just can't get well because of their circumstances.

Susan

Dear Annie,I think that's kind of amazing. It woul...

2008-07-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Annie,
I think that's kind of amazing. It would seem that while these people were homeless, they weren't victims--perhaps just people who were down on their luck.

Susan

Susan,Well said. This post is one of those I will...

2008-07-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

Susan,

Well said. This post is one of those I will save. Thank you,

Bradley

Susan and Marja--I've had to deal with this very t...

2008-07-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

Susan and Marja--
I've had to deal with this very thing with my brother. I am very concerned about him, but I have had to learn that his happiness and his health are NOT my responsibility. And I've had to back off a bit, because watching him do what he's doing to himself is too stressful for me.

It's hard. I love my brother, and I miss the relationship we used to have. But I

Susan, another healthy post about taking charge of...

2008-07-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Susan, another healthy post about taking charge of your life to find wellness. I once worked with a few folks who had mental illness and were homeless. They stayed on the streets of the Twin Cities and yet they had a daily plan to survive. One young man talked about his friends and how they had a routine with each other and knew what they needed to do to get meds and food. They knew what time to

Dear Marja,I don't believe any of us can "make" an...

2008-07-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Marja,
I don't believe any of us can "make" anyone else see what they're not looking for.

Having been severely depressed, I know what it's like to give up hope. In my case, since the feelings were medication-induced, I'm very grateful that my husband kept on reminding me that if I could just "wait it out," I'd feel better. And my son was always my lifeline because I would never

Thanks, Susan, for addressing this. Actually I hav...

2008-07-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Susan, for addressing this. Actually I have backed off some and now wait for her to call me when she's in trouble, rather than me "staying on top of where she's at."

This person is getting lots of professional help, so that's good.

It's just kind of frustrating to see her let her life go like this when I know what she needs to do. Wish I could "make" her see it. Guess