Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Returning Partially to the Fold

Dear Friends,
When I returned, I thought I'd want to write all about what I've been experiencing the past few months, but oddly enough I don't feel like it. It was truly hellish, and while I've gained some insight, I don't feel like talking about it. So, I think for now, I'll just be posting on Mondays. See you then!

Susan

More Bipolar Lyrics

Teach Your Children; 1970 Atlantic Records: on the Deja vu; Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (Graham Nash)
Teach the Sick Ones
You, who are almost well
Have lived through hell
And even sur-vived.
And so, you've learned some skills
To escape the ills
That others die by.

Teach the sick ones well
So their daily hell, will quickly go by.
And give them what they need
So they can suc-ceed,
Without a death cry.
Never ask them when they're high
If they feel like they could die
Just listen for the sigh,
And know you'll help them.

And you, who do not feel well
Must sit a spell
With those who've lived by.
The ills that you must feel
'Cause you cannot heal
Until you know why.

Treat your healers well
And your daily hell, might quickly go by.
And tell them of your fears
The ones you know,
The ones you grow by.
Don't you ever hide the why
Because you think that they might die
If they know the dreadful sigh,
Of the hole within you.

P.S. You can listen to a free midi of this song on the following site.You can get the original words and guitar chords on this site, although I haven't tested the chords to make sure they sound good.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Letter from (Bipolar) Camp

Because my first post today was sad, and I'm truly feeling much better this afternoon, I thought I'd post once more. When I feel well, I sometimes write lyrics to songs that amuse me. For those of you who are old enough to remember, this song was written by Allen Sherman for his son Bobby with whom I went to high school. If you don't know it, I believe you can download the midi for free on this About.com site.

Anyway, here's my version of the song commonly known as Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh. For those of you who know me, I have a quirky sense of humor so please don't be offended if you can't laugh at this illness. For me, laughter is a wellness activity.

1. Hello loved one, hello doctor
Here I am at Camp Bi-polar
Where the manics are quite cheerful
They talk nonstop so you really get an earful.

2. The depressives, are so sleepy
Some are crying; some are weepy
Most serenely lay in their bed,
And they rarely leave their cabins 'cept to get fed.

3. The activities, are quite pleasant
Special e-vents for all those present
Manic sky dives; depressive group snores
Where the winning team is giving yummy camp S'mores.

4. I'm a loner, but that's okay
'Cause I'm different in a good way
Hypomanic, not depressive
They're not sure they have a peer group I can bunk with.

Chorus
Leave me here, oh loved one, doctor
Leave me here, I love Bi-polar
Please don't take me back home
Where the pressures trigger manias and despair.

Leave me here, where I am okay
'Cause my peers are so not okay
Now, at last I am a mentor
To a group of people I have only known a day.

5. Dearest loved one, darling doctor
Are things good 'cause I'm not a factor?
Please let me stay here for awhile,
When I come home, I will always try to smile.

6. Mental health camp is a pleasure
One I'll always try to treasure.
When I come home, I'll be stable
No more rapid cycling at the dinner table.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm Back to Writing

Dear Friends,
I've been depressed for five months now. Although I'm marginally better, I've been feeling lost in the universe ever since I talked with the psychiatrist whom I allowed to convince me not to think about or write about wellness or illness.

How dumb was that?

Tonight, as I checked my inbox, I had three emails from friends I've met by writing this blog. I was touched by their concern, and I know there are others who care, but who haven't been able to contact me.

And I suddenly realized that I've been feeling lost because I had given up my blog, which is something I truly care about, and which I began writing because I wanted to try and help others as well as myself.

So...this is just a brief post to tell you I'm back. I'm not sure yet how often I plan on posting. I'm not sure how much I'll write about wellness and illness, but they certainly will be two of my topics.

What's interesting to me--and quite distressing--is that I finally understand that the reason I've felt so lost is because I willingly gave up a component of my identity--which is my blog. Like other mistakes I've made, I did it in my frenetic quest for wellness, and it ended up making me feel worse. That's something to ponder.

In celebration of a new beginning, I would like to thank Howard for letting me know he missed my blog, and he missed my thoughts. "Dootz, what struck me was when you mentioned I'd been silent for two months. And then I realized I'd felt lost for two months as well, and I finally figured out that in order 'to find myself again,' I needed to begin writing! You truly changed my life tonight!"

And I also want to thank Paula Joy who has continued to check in with me during my absence, and has let me know how much she cares. Also...thanks to Jazz, Gianna, and Duane! I appreciate your friendship, your kindness, and your support!

With love,

Susan
P.S. I've changed the format of the blog in order to allow comments. I couldn't make it work any other way. I think I'm up for a redesign...but I'll kind of take things as they come.