The reason I returned to therapy in January was because of a severe depressive episode last November and December, which continued through March (to a much lesser degree). I couldn't understand why I was suffering so terribly when I had changed so many aspects of my life, engaged in a ton of wellness activities, had stopped seeing relatives (and a few friends) whose behavior was making me ill, and was very happy with my life.
What I realized was that I was carrying a ton of anger related to how I had been treated when I was so ill. What still amazes me is that I am kinder and more supportive of complete strangers than some of my relatives and friends were to me. (And I was certainly deserving of their support because I'd done everything humanly possible to get well.)
What I didn't realize was that I had internalized their criticism of my behavior, and was judging myself harshly at every turn. I was angry at myself that I'd become depressed after working so hard to remain well. I was angry when I talked too much. I was angry and disappointed if a freelance assignment didn't work out. I was angry if a friend disappointed me. I was angry about every single person who had abandoned me during my darkest hours.
And I knew that my anger was preventing me from getting well. So, I decided it was time to stop being angry, and to begin therapy again.
I don't want to belabor this topic, but I will tell you that my eight months of therapy were terrific. For the first time ever, my therapist had insight. He was a great listener, and truly supportive. He helped me regain my self-confidence, and finally let go of my anger.