Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm Back to Writing

Dear Friends,
I've been depressed for five months now. Although I'm marginally better, I've been feeling lost in the universe ever since I talked with the psychiatrist whom I allowed to convince me not to think about or write about wellness or illness.

How dumb was that?

Tonight, as I checked my inbox, I had three emails from friends I've met by writing this blog. I was touched by their concern, and I know there are others who care, but who haven't been able to contact me.

And I suddenly realized that I've been feeling lost because I had given up my blog, which is something I truly care about, and which I began writing because I wanted to try and help others as well as myself.

So...this is just a brief post to tell you I'm back. I'm not sure yet how often I plan on posting. I'm not sure how much I'll write about wellness and illness, but they certainly will be two of my topics.

What's interesting to me--and quite distressing--is that I finally understand that the reason I've felt so lost is because I willingly gave up a component of my identity--which is my blog. Like other mistakes I've made, I did it in my frenetic quest for wellness, and it ended up making me feel worse. That's something to ponder.

In celebration of a new beginning, I would like to thank Howard for letting me know he missed my blog, and he missed my thoughts. "Dootz, what struck me was when you mentioned I'd been silent for two months. And then I realized I'd felt lost for two months as well, and I finally figured out that in order 'to find myself again,' I needed to begin writing! You truly changed my life tonight!"

And I also want to thank Paula Joy who has continued to check in with me during my absence, and has let me know how much she cares. Also...thanks to Jazz, Gianna, and Duane! I appreciate your friendship, your kindness, and your support!

With love,

Susan
P.S. I've changed the format of the blog in order to allow comments. I couldn't make it work any other way. I think I'm up for a redesign...but I'll kind of take things as they come.

22 comments:

Gianna said...

Welcome back, dear one...
yes you are dear...

my life is my blog, well, there is other work I do online too and it's even turning into a career...I couldn't leave it if someone held a gun to my head, because frankly I'd rather be dead than not have my work.

It is the reason I feel I can go on living. I am so profoundly ill the only satisfaction I get while laying down with my laptop on my stomach doing my work is that I might help others not end up where I am...and that gives me a profound sense of purpose in what would otherwise be a completely senseless existence...

I'm glad you realized you need to write as I do too...though it's okay to have explored a different option...it's not a bad thing...it's good...now you KNOW...don't beat yourself up for taking a suggestion...sometimes experimentation is the only way we can really know something...so feel good about that...

welcome back...and I love you Susan!!

duanesherry1 said...

Susan,

You wrote -
"So...this is just a brief post to tell you I'm back."

Well, I'd like to just say -
"It's good to have you back!!!"

Duane

Wellness Writer said...

Gianna,
I love you too! And yes, you are right about the importance of our blogs and writing.

Although I'm well enough to do other things now--and I'm certainly grateful for that-- writing about wellness (and illness when I need to) is how I find meaning in all the suffering. Otherwise, it has been for naught, and that would truly make me crazy!

Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Thanks Duane! It's good to be back!

Susan

Catatonic Kid said...

Welcome back, Susan!! :) You've been missed!

Hrm, perhaps I should say welcome 'home' instead since it sounds like a bit of a re-discovery of self as well...? ;)

Anyway, very happy to hear you're feeling a bit more on track with what you need/want. Listening to our intuition can be such a valuable thing. Often difficult but valuable.

Having just taken a bit of a break from blogging myself I know just how big and confusing a gap it can leave. In the end I found I came back more focused on what I really wanted to achieve, and I hope the same holds true for you.

Howard said...

Susan,

Hi there, good friend. So glad you're in cyperspace with us! I'll send you a note offline.

Warmly,

Howard

Sandy Naiman said...

Hi Susan,
I'm so happy to see you back.
Writing is so healthy and cathartic, I find. Therapeutic. Healing. And my blog is like a good friend. Always there to listen.
Take care, Susan and be well.
Sandy

Jazz said...

Hey, Susan, good to "see" you back!
I can understand you wanting to give it a try and see if the not writing or blogging about your illness might help make you feel better...but you know what? In the end, I think you are your own best doctor...you know far more about what you need than any doctor does...you've been thinking about it and writing about it for long enough, I think!

Anyway, glad you're back. And I love you, too!

Carrie said...

Susan,

Welcome back - you have been missed. I am sad to hear that you are struggling with depression. I continue to send positive energy your way.

susan said...

Hurray! Hurray! The other great Susan of the blogosphere is back!

Doing the happy cat dance and moonwalk in your honour.

Paula Joy said...

I am SO SO happy that you are back. I certainly have missed you. You are a big reason that I write about bipolar and a big reason why I have grown and learned so much about the disorder.

Glad you are back to writing, even if just occasionally.

Take care, and I love you!

Wellness Writer said...

Dear CK,
It feels good to know I've been missed. Thank you! Sometimes, we do need to take a break from writing, and I agree that listening to ourselves is truly valuable.

I'm not sure if I'm returning with more clarity, insight, or focus, or whether I'm more like a dam that needed someone to open the floodgates so I could gush forth!

We'll see!

Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Howard,
Once more, thank you again!

Your friend, Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Sandy,
Welcome to my blog. I've read some of your posts during my absence, and could certainly tell you feel that way about your blog. And I certainly agree about writing as a means of catharsis. Thanks for welcoming me back!

Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Jazz,
I love you too! I guess that whether I write about illness, wellness, or just share my thoughts and feelings, I know I'm writing about things that matter to me, and that they'll be read by a community of people who care.

I should have told this doctor that I spent two years developing this virtual support group, and giving it up just didn't make sense. Alas...

Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Carrie,
Thanks for missing me and for sending positive thoughts my way!

Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Susan,
Wow! A cat dance and a moonwalk. It sure makes me feel special.

Susan

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Paula Joy,
I'm SO glad you're SO glad. When I have thought about the impact of this blog, your name always come to mind because you've let me know how much it means to you. And I love you too!

Susan

marja said...

Hi Susan!

I wrote a comment this morning but - don't know what happened - I couldn't get it accepted. Will try again.

I'm just so happy you're back. Your absence has left a big gaping hole in bipolar bloggerland. I myself haven't been too faithful writing or visiting, but I know when I am, it's like I'm in gear and all is well. When I'm not, there's something missing.

Now I hope this comment will post.

Love you - and hope you'll be back in perfect shape real soon.

- marja

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Marja,
I thought the other comment was posted, and I thought I responded to it. Yikes. Anyway, thanks so very much. I really appreciate your comment, and glad things are going well for you and your mother in a difficult situation.

I love you too, and treasure your support!

Susan

Marissa Miller said...

I'm very late on the bandwagon but I'm glad you're back, Susan. I love reading what you have to say. You have such thought-provoking and inspiring posts that a significant voice was truly missing in the blogosphere.

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Marissa,
You're not late at all. It's a pleasure to hear from you, and I appreciate the kind words. It's been great coming back and receiving such wonderful support from such a thoughtful group of people. Thank you!

Susan