Thursday, November 20, 2008

When My Behavior Is a Bit Off

(I originally posted this last night, and have changed the opening paragraphs.) Yesterday was a better day although I'm embarrassed I responded so harshly to the Natural Approach to Healing Depression webcast. While my disappointment was genuine, and there was good cause, I usually try to seek some distance and perspective before I write an angry post or email.

Gianna talked with Troy, the fellow who worked on it, and has written to say she now has a different perspective. I would agree that it was the wrong venue and will play far better on You-Tube. I still feel the press release was misleading, and the materials were simplistic.

Having said that, I've been reading James S. Gordon's book, Unstuck, Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression, and it's really good. While I'm only half way through it, he discusses issues that few other psychiatrists are aware of, and I'll write more about it.

So, my revised opinion is that there is probably a value in seeing the rest of the webcast series or waiting for it to play on You-Tube. Gianna says the episode on meditation--which she has previewed--is "well done."

I've noted on my mood charts that during the last few days, I've been too emotional, my judgment seems slightly impaired, I find myself getting irritated at small things, and I don't feel like talking.

Sometimes, when I feel like this, I try to use different modes of expression. On Sunday, I took my camera to UCLA and spent hours shooting photographs. A few of my favorite are: 1. A sculpture in the sculpture garden. 2. A detail of a stone totem pole. 3. Powell Library, where my parents used to hang out so many years ago. 4. The sun going down on the central quad.

Hope you like them. Have a nice day!


Gianna said...

Don't be too hard on yourself Susan. Given what we were able to see it was a reasonable conclusion we came too...

I did post about my conversation with Troy...

Frankly, I'm not feeling well at all so I don't know that I did a very good job writing about it all but I tried...

I hope we both feel better soon..

Wellness Writer said...

Thanks for saying that. When I overreact to something, I'm not "hard" on myself--just disappointed.

Even when I know all the reasons why I've done something, and they make sense to me, I try so hard to monitor behavior that seems over-the-top to me that it bothers me when I don't.

P.S. I'll link to your post.

susan said...

Hi Susan,

It's been a gorgeous full moon, maybe that is why you feel a bit emotional? it is also close to Thanksgiving, and that stresses out the best of us, especially if you and your family are the ones cooking Mr. Turkey.

Could it be hormonal?

One of the things I noticed it to eat right and make sure i get 8 hours sleep when I feel like that. And walk. And a bit of pet therapy.
I hope you feel better. I liked those pictures of UCLA.

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Susan,
I appreciate the advice. I think the problem was that I have a ton of "angry" feelings about all the false healers I've seen and the havoc they caused. I decided not to post on charlatans within the alternative medicine field because I don't see the value in doing it, and it won't make me feel any better.

But, my anger at these people --some of whom are well-known--seemed to surface when the series was misrepresented. Alas...

I wish I could do "pet therapy" and perhaps today is the day to visit the animal rescue organization.

Thanks for mentioning it!


P.J. said...

Letting oneself react in a way they don't normally react is a sign, to me, that they are passionate about what is going on. I don't think you should be disappointed in yourself, at all. I think it's important to express feelings, when we have them, because for some reason, it's important to us at the time. I mean, judgement of when and how are definitely needed, but it's better that you explore those feelings then to let them eat you up inside. There are many ways to do that. SO OFTEN, I used to blog something, feel bad about it, and delete it the next day. I've learned not to blog in the heat of the moment, and rather let the dust settle a bit. Instead, I either journal or talk to someone on the phone or in person. That way, I can get it out immediately and get a response immediately.

I REALLY love your photos. But, I am a sucker for pretty pictures!!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. You know where I'm at and I just can't focus my attention on blogs like I used to! Hope you understand!

Immi said...

Take it easy on yourself Susan. It's been a tough time for you and that webcast was presented differently than it ended up being. I'm glad to hear the book is good. I hope you feel more balanced soon.

I've got an award for you on my B2BInfo blog, because I think a lot of your blog. Stop by to peek or ignore as suits :)

Wellness Writer said...

Dear PJ,
That's an interesting perspective. I do feel passionate about bipolar wellness and have been hurt so many times by so-called healers and ignored so many times when I truly needed help that it is a very emotional topic for me.

So, what you're saying is true and I guess that's why I responded so vehemently.

On the other hand, I know that irritability and anger are bipolar symptoms--and can be very hurtful as well.

So...sometimes it's difficult to gauge whether a response is "appropriate given the circumstances" or over-the-top.

Thanks for your input on this. Given what's going on in your life, I appreciate hearing from you. And I'm glad you like the photos.


Wellness Writer said...

Dear Immi,
Thanks for the kind words. I'll check out your blog this weekend.


Mariposa said...

Well, we are all entitle to feel what we feel in the moment we feel them...and nothing to be guilty of. :)

By the way, I am thinking, if you are not too busy, maybe you could try something not so usualy for you HERE, hope you can try this Meme which I tag you pressure at all please... :)

Wellness Writer said...

Thanks Mariposa. Sorry, I don't do Memes, but thank you for thinking of me. (I hope my refusal won't hurt your feelings; I'm so fond of you.)

Cami Black said...

Susan...these pictures are great. I think you should make note cards out of them. I'll buy a box.

Wellness Writer said...

Thanks Cami!