While I had intended to continue my posts about managing a depression, I'm not able to at this point. I'm not feeling well and it's taking too much effort. I'll continue the discussion when I can. Yesterday was one of the worse days yet. After taking the Adderall, I had the energy to get out of bed, but as I've mentioned before, the medication doesn't make me happy.
I couldn't go to my badminton class, and I realize now that I'll have to drop the class even though there are only a few weeks left. The additional dose of Adderall puts too much strain on my heart for an activity that requires so much effort. And I'm unable to socialize with so many people right now.
In the past, quitting badminton or some other activity would have made me feel bad. Now, I realize it's okay. Rather than feeling bad that I have to quit, I've decided to feel happy that I was able to play for the last few months...and will be able to continue in spring when I feel better and stop taking Adderall.
That said...I spent six hours doing the one activity that I know I can always do when I'm blue, which is gardening. Probably the better description is lawn maintenance, because I spent hours trimming bushes, weeding, and raking. We have Eugenia trees in the backyard and they have these red berries that fall all over the lawn and wreak havoc with everything. So, raking them was a perfect chore for me.
After all these years, it's nice to know that I can always garden (or do home improvement chores outside) during the difficult times. And rather than feeling bad that I have to quit other activities and become more insular, I can feel happy I've figured this out, feel grateful I'm still productive, and thankful that I live in a climate where the sunlight helps me heal.
P.S. Mariposa has said that a Vitamin B complex really helps her during the difficult times, and today she's written an entire post about it that I found very helpful and quite interesting. It's something I intend to pursue and I so appreciate all her effort in writing about it.