When I sat down to write Wednesday's post (which I do late the night before), I was literally exhausted. In fact, I was so tired I was concerned a depressive episode might be on the horizon.
What differentiates a depression from fatigue? For me, it's having so little energy that I'm unable to take a bubble bath. It's feeling so tired that walking into the kitchen to get a glass of water feels like taking a hike. It's feeling like I have so little energy that I can't stay awake one minute longer. Since I felt like this at 9:00 p.m. and I usually don't go to bed until midnight, I was concerned.
So...I did what I needed to do to take care of myself. 1. I posted to let you know that I wouldn't be posting, but I didn't write a longer post. 2. I went to bed at 9:00 and slept until midnight, but since I knew I needed more sleep than that, I took 1/2 mg. of Ativan (which I sometimes use as a sleeping pill, although I've been off it for months). 3. Since we had painters arriving at 8:00 a.m. and I knew I needed to box up our bedroom, I awakened at 7:00 a.m. and took 10 mg. of Adderall, which I haven't taken in months.
In terms of the medication, I must tell you that while I have been off it for months, I have no trouble taking it when I feel I need to. Since my response to medication is unusual, I am able to titrate off the Adderall in one day, because I can tell when my body doesn't need it. And while I always hesitate to go back on Ativan (since it usually takes a month to begin sleeping normally again), if I need to sleep and I can't, I take it--knowing I will stop within a few days.
Before I went to bed, I had already decided that I wouldn't be going to school on Wednesday. I didn't feel well enough to play badminton, and I didn't have enough energy to drive myself to school and concentrate on music theory. Again, this wasn't a problem. I'm taking the music class on a pass/not pass basis, and I'm taking it for pleasure rather than for a degree, which I already have.
My only goal yesterday was to box up the bedroom--which I had to do because the painters are on a deadline. I felt well enough to do that. But...I rested for the remainder of the day. I worked at my desk. I chatted with a neighbor. And by the end of the day, when I felt so much better, I called a friend and we walked around the park, which is 3.2 miles.
All in all, it was a very pleasurable day. I was proud of myself for doing what I needed to...and not doing what I felt I couldn't. As I sit down to write this post, I feel like I've fully recovered and only need one more night of sound sleep to be back to normal.
These days it is very easy for me to achieve wellness; I wish it had always been so!