I 'd like to thank everyone who wrote condolence comments about Spike and who inquired about me. I'm okay. Losing Spike was very difficult for me. With the death of my mother last October, my dog Murphy in December, and now Spike, I feel like I've seen too much death in too short a time period.
And in the midst of all this, I went for a mammogram and it was "irregular," so I had a few days of terror before I realized this was the same nodule that was benign more than 25 years. I can't believe I forgot about it, but I didn't realize this nodule was in the same place. Anyway, I had a second mammogram plus a sonogram last week (two days before we had to put Spike down), and there's nothing to worry about.
Still, all of this made me think about my own mortality. I don't know about you, but the few times I've had death scares, I've asked myself, "If I have a limited time to live, am I doing what I want to be doing?"
What was truly great is that for the first time, I could answer, "Yes." For all intents and purposes, I've "cured" myself of this illness. I'm working on my eBook, Bipolar Depression Unplugged: A Survivor Speaks Out, which they're going to publish as a paperback, and I'm writing a proposal for a new book on wellness. Also, I've posted 394 times since February 2007. Now that's an accomplishment of which I'm very proud indeed.
My son is happy, and he's decided to return to Cal; it's a long story and one I'm not going to tell for privacy reasons, but it's a good decision for him. My husband is happily painting; he's taking a figure drawing class and a plein air painting class, and he's healthy.
With part of my inheritance, we've been able to fix some things on our house, and finally have a bit of financial security (for the first time since I was forced to stop working because the medication was inducing erratic behavior).
Also, I'm playing a lot of music and that makes me very happy. In the fall, I'll be taking a dark room photography class, a music theory class, and singing (again).
And, I have re-established relationships with old friends, and made a host of new friends through this blog! How great is that!
The only thing I need to do is to start talking with people about healing and wellness, but I'm working on that as well.
Every once in awhile, I believe it's important to take stock of my life to ensure that I'm moving in the right direction. I usually don't need a "death scare" to do it, but this time I used my fear to think about my present and my future, and I was delighted by what I found!