Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Mood Charts (Part 2)

Since the Day-Timer time management system upon which I based my mood charts was the two-page-per-day model, I had a second page to use as a journal. Sometimes, I reflected upon how I felt or wrote philosophical pieces about the problems with the way this illness is treated. Other times I wrote with anger, distress, or confusion about what was happening to me. On this day, May 23, 2001, I wrote a paragraph that I entitled, Horrible Experience. (I've just rewritten it a bit to improve it and clarify my feelings; ah...the beauty of rewriting.)

(The accordion below is a 12-button accordion, which is the kind I play--although the word 'play' may suggest an ability that is misleading. Since I loaned mine to a friend, I can't take its picture even though I now have my wonderful new digital camera.)

"At 7:00 p.m., I took more Geodon, Zyprexa, and Ativan. I was feeling so lousy that I spent hours playing scales and then chords on the accordion to see if I couldn't 'concentrate' so hard on the music that it alleviated the depression. It finally lifted at about 9:00.

"I must say that today was truly horrible. Out of nowhere I felt so unbelievably awful that I thought, "Oh, my God, I'm in The Twilight Zone. It felt like being pelted with 'hail from Hell,' or being 'draped in despair.'

When the depression finally dissipated, I could have wept with joy. Instead I put Alex to bed, and went to sleep at about 11:30. When will this nightmare end?"

Tomorrow, I'll write about the importance of mood charts, what I learned from keeping a detailed record of my illness for six years, how I utilized my mood charts when my doctors couldn't help me, and how I believe they fit into the category of "writing to heal." Stay tuned!

6 comments:

Chica. said...

Your post has made me think about writing daily about my moods. Thanks for the tip!

Chica

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

You're welcome!

Meredith said...

I tried to mood chart, and I just couldn't make myself keep up with it. I do have a LiveJournal which serves as my personal blog, and so that works to kinda get an overall snapshot of how I'm doing--sort of like your paragraphs on the second pages. Sure, I self-edit, but I find myself self-editing on mood charts and offline journals too. The blog sort of acts as a support system and a mood journal because I get comments from friends. It is friends-only, so it's restricted viewing and not Google-able.

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Dear Meredith,
That's certainly another way to do it. But the kind of information I provided for myself wouldn't be anything anyone else would want to read. It will become more clear in tomorrow's post.

Susan

Jazz said...

Susan--
What you wrote about today--that's more like what I do in my journal. Awaiting tomorrow's post with interest!

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Jazz,
I would have figured as much. But it's the two pages combined that make the difference, but I'll write about that tomorrow.

Susan