Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Mood Charts (Part 2)

Since the Day-Timer time management system upon which I based my mood charts was the two-page-per-day model, I had a second page to use as a journal. Sometimes, I reflected upon how I felt or wrote philosophical pieces about the problems with the way this illness is treated. Other times I wrote with anger, distress, or confusion about what was happening to me. On this day, May 23, 2001, I wrote a paragraph that I entitled, Horrible Experience. (I've just rewritten it a bit to improve it and clarify my feelings; ah...the beauty of rewriting.)

(The accordion below is a 12-button accordion, which is the kind I play--although the word 'play' may suggest an ability that is misleading. Since I loaned mine to a friend, I can't take its picture even though I now have my wonderful new digital camera.)

"At 7:00 p.m., I took more Geodon, Zyprexa, and Ativan. I was feeling so lousy that I spent hours playing scales and then chords on the accordion to see if I couldn't 'concentrate' so hard on the music that it alleviated the depression. It finally lifted at about 9:00.

"I must say that today was truly horrible. Out of nowhere I felt so unbelievably awful that I thought, "Oh, my God, I'm in The Twilight Zone. It felt like being pelted with 'hail from Hell,' or being 'draped in despair.'

When the depression finally dissipated, I could have wept with joy. Instead I put Alex to bed, and went to sleep at about 11:30. When will this nightmare end?"

Tomorrow, I'll write about the importance of mood charts, what I learned from keeping a detailed record of my illness for six years, how I utilized my mood charts when my doctors couldn't help me, and how I believe they fit into the category of "writing to heal." Stay tuned!


Chica. said...

Your post has made me think about writing daily about my moods. Thanks for the tip!


Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

You're welcome!

Meredith said...

I tried to mood chart, and I just couldn't make myself keep up with it. I do have a LiveJournal which serves as my personal blog, and so that works to kinda get an overall snapshot of how I'm doing--sort of like your paragraphs on the second pages. Sure, I self-edit, but I find myself self-editing on mood charts and offline journals too. The blog sort of acts as a support system and a mood journal because I get comments from friends. It is friends-only, so it's restricted viewing and not Google-able.

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Dear Meredith,
That's certainly another way to do it. But the kind of information I provided for myself wouldn't be anything anyone else would want to read. It will become more clear in tomorrow's post.


Jazz said...

What you wrote about today--that's more like what I do in my journal. Awaiting tomorrow's post with interest!

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

I would have figured as much. But it's the two pages combined that make the difference, but I'll write about that tomorrow.