Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I Apologize

I've been so angry lately about the lack the treatment options; the lack of forward movement toward better results; the lack of insurance parity; the misinformation I feel I received the last 15 years; the lack of creativity in coming up with new treatment options; the pain and suffering experienced by bipolars everywhere; the tremendous influence of the pharmaceutical companies and the insurance industry on treatment; the years I've wasted when I pursued traditional treatments; the fact that no one assumes responsibility for medications that don't work, and a system run amok; the charlatans who propose alternative treatments that don't work; the lack of adequate funding for the right kind of research; the stigma; the suicide rate; the lack of leadership for looking at this illness anew; the lack of support for work-related issues, and everything else we face in this challenge...and so much more.

Last night as I sat, overwhelmed by enormous feelings of loss and grief about the years I've lost even though I tried to do everything possible to get well, I thought that a blog that focused on the truths that are rarely discussed--would make me feel better, and bring the issue to the forefront. So, with little thought, I launched Bipolar Treatment Travesty. It was a mistake.

Dwelling on the negative makes me feel worse, and this morning I dreaded writing another post. I don't know what the answer is but it isn't this--at least for me. I do apologize. Any suggestions for forward movement?


My Life with Bipolar Disorder said...

Dear Susan,

You are doing well in sharing about your exercise and photography. Maybe you can continue to share your experiences in these recovery helps and how these are helping you.

Or maybe you can try to search the internet for other helps others are finding or some professionals have suggested, and post them on your blog to share with us as well as slowly learn to integrate these in your own life. I am learning to do that slowly too. And I find it beneficial and helpful. Take care!

Kind regards,

Dirk said...

I was told this weekend, and it resonated with me, that talking about what one is against all the time is no way to live a life. Keep talking about you're for and things will happen.

Having said that, there is certainly such a thing as righteous anger and if you want to vent then do it.

I'm going to read your stuff either way.

Syd said...


There is no reason to apologize. Surely we have all had ideas about how to appropriately and productively channel our anger, hurt, frustration and pain at the injustices we face. Some ideas are more timely than others. And some are easier to implement than others.

Clearly, if writing about the negative aspects of treatment (or lack thereof) makes you feel worse, you shouldn't do it, at least not right now. That doesn't mean that it wasn't a good idea, just that now may not be the time for you to do it. But, the good thing is that you realized that early on and can direct your energies to things that will you make you feel better - like taking pictures with your new camera. I can't wait to see some of your work! :)

marja said...

Oh Susan! You sound SO angry! I understand the pain you feel about all this, because there is such a lot of injustice, especially around mental health issues.

I used to feel angry about the stigma in the church: how Christians would tell fellow Christians to throw their pills away. "Just praise God, and you'll be fine." Then there are the high profile evangelists who preach that there is no such thing as mental illness. Such problems are all due to not being right with God.

etc. etc.

When I see how some individuals suffer because of this kind of stigma, I see red.

But over the past few years I've learned that, instead of telling people where they're wrong, instead of attacking them, I need to simply tell them what is true - as though I didn't hear them utter all their falsehoods.

Now my writing focuses on informing Christians what they CAN do to help people with mental illness. I tell them about my life and how God has helped me live with my illness - not healing it but helping me to be a better Christian because of it. Instead of harping on what they're wrong about, I focus on teaching them what's right. If I attacked them they would probably stop listening before I even got started.

People want to be thought of as good people, people who mean well. So I try to treat them that way. Working from a positive angle works best. You will draw a more willing audience.

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Thanks Nancie,
I'm taking things a day at a time. I appreciate your support!


Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

I agree with both comments. It is better to be "for" things, and righteous anger works for me too.

Last night, I guess I thought I was "for righteous anger." And this morning, it felt like I was dwelling on old issues.

It'd be nice to be more clear about all this stuff, but thanks for reading it--no matter how conflicted it all seems.


Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Dear Syd,
If I could focus my energies on learning to use the camera properly rather than on blogging, I'd probably feel far better!


Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Dear Marja,
I try to remain positive until I feel the need to explode! Usually I just write a negative post and try not to publish it, or I write it in my diary. But sometimes exploding (just on paper of course) feels so good. This time, it felt good and then it didn't! Alas...