Tonight, my husband and I talked about how difficult it was for me in therapy to disclose some of the horror I experienced in my depressive episodes. For some reason, it wasn't a part of my make-up to share the "bad stuff." But once I did, the response was so unhelpful and the lack of insight so appalling--that it made me feel worse.
It's also inconceivable that it took five therapists and one psychiatrist more than 25 years to diagnose this illness. I was depressed--although fully functional--during my entire undergraduate career. Once I began working, I experienced two semi-annual six week depressive episodes. For most of my life, I could still work during them but the pain and suffering took its toll.
I asked my husband how it could be that so many of the therapists I saw were so incompetent. While I had a difficult time expressing my feelings aloud, it would have been easy for me to write about them. I wonder why that isn't an option. And had any of these therapists ever asked me whether I was experiencing some of the classical symptoms of a depressive episode, the answer would have been crystal clear.
Anyway, I'm wondering if any of you have had better therapeutic relationships. It would be nice to think there are insightful people out there--who actually help people heal.