Hope everyone had a happy New Year! I'm just coming out of a terrible depressive episode. It's was so disappointing since I'd been well for so long. I'm not yet sure what to do with this blog but while I make my mind up, I'll continue posting.
What truly bothers me is that when I begin the slide into the abyss, there's no place to go that's uplifting. I'd like to be with people but I can't sustain conversations with friends. And I don't know anyone, except Syd (from Bipolarity but she lives so very far away), who could be with me and realize that I can't talk, and my feelings change from one day to the next, and everything looks bleak until it doesn't.
And yet it would nice to have a support group, but the only ones I've found are so downbeat as to be really depressing. The idea of sitting in a room with people who feel worse than I do and hear their sad stories--is truly depressing.
In fact, I'm not interested in listening to people talk at all. I only feel better when I'm "doing" something. What I wanted to do was to go to a healing ranch for a few days. I wanted to be in a community of highly functioning BIPs (who sometimes have depressive episodes but are otherwise "normal") and do arts and crafts projects, play music, take care of animals, garden.
I didn't want to talk at all but I would have been willing to listen to someone who was uplifting. Mostly, I just wanted companionship in an outdoor work environment. I even checked out some working therapeutic farm communities (which have good reputations as far as I could tell). But, of course, I needed something closer to Los Angeles--and probably just for a quick hit.
The bottom line is that the Internet now has hundreds of resources and my impression is that most of them are run by charlatans. They're expensive. Many of them make unrealistic claims. The population they're seeking seems to have drug/alcohol problems in addition to bipolar disorder. Mostly, the people seem to be in terrible shape. In my case, misery doesn't love company.
So, maybe my real goal should be a true Bipolar Wellness Facility. It's seems a bit overwhelming and I'm not sure where to begin. But it's something to think about!