Friday, October 19, 2007

Bipolar Mother

We're at my son's Student Orientation at Cal (he's starting college in January) and yesterday wasn't my best day. Yet, I'm proud of myself because despite my feelings--I was somewhat anxious and worried (UC Berkeley is where I experienced my first depressive episode almost 40 years ago)--I kept them to myself.

As a "bipolar mother," I feel guilty enough that I was sick for six straight years during my son's childhood. Now that I'm well (most of the time although like everyone else, I sometimes have a bad day or a few bad hours), I am vigilant about making sure that my moods don't affect my son.

So...despite a less than stellar late afternoon and early evening, once my husband and son returned to our motel, I took a long walk by myself--to a favorite bookstore. My goal was to walk off my mood and to spend time browsing, one of my favorite past times.

This morning, we all had a truly wonderful day. My son had a good meeting with his faculty adviser, we had a terrific lunch at this great Indonesian restaurant, and then went on a wonderful tour of the dorms. My son was really excited and my husband and I were thrilled for him.

I guess if I have any advice for other bipolar mothers--it's to put your children's need ahead of your own. Just because I had a bad few hours the day before didn't mean I needed to share my feelings. Instead, I took a positive action--walking and reading--and then posted my feelings in my blog (I've since deleted it), which is a form of writing to heal.

It feels great to know that I can not only quickly brainswitch out of my moods but that I've learned to control them so they don't affect the people I love most!

6 comments:

Syd said...

This is great news. I knew you could do it! :)

Greg said...

Hello. I see that you've linked to my blog. Thank you -- I will reciprocate. I am also writing a book with the same name as my blog - The Bipolar CEO. I am 47 and was diagnosed and put on medication 12+ years ago. I've also been a successful businessman. More importantly, I'm still married and have 4 children. I very much enjoy reading your blog.
The Bipolar CEO
www.bipolarceo.com

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Dear Syd,
As always, thanks!

Dear Greg,
Welcome! I like your blog very much as well. It's great to find others who love their families and their work!

Susan

Marie said...

Just dropping by to say hello. I hope you are doing well.

JayPeeFreely said...

Somehow, I think even during your worst times, you put your family ahead of yourself.

Congrats to him on UC-Berk...that place has never been known to cause the least bit of trouble or break ground in any way. ;)

I always wanted to get outside the box (midwestern one) in my studies but money and money and moving that far away, held me up.

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Thanks Marie!

Jason, you're a dear and you always make me feel so good!

Susan